Another visit, this time we went to Sharon's home. This is how Sharon's back yard looked like when they moved in. If you've visited her blog you know how pretty her yard is now. This is Cameron, Grayson and my son Harrison. The cousins have fond memories of playing together.
In some ways my life was harder than other mothers because I chose to home school my children. This meant that I never got a break from them. I rarely had time to myself, and I always seem to have a messy house. In spite of these things I loved homeschooling my children when they were small. When they got older it became much more difficult for me and I will talk about that another time. I realize that in many ways my life as a wife and mother was much easier than so many single moms out there and working mothers. I have no idea of the difficult task these brave women had to keep it all together under these conditions.
There are many times in which a mother feels inadequate. I know I did. Lots of times I felt like everyone else had it together except me. I actually felt like I was just pretending to be a mother, and didn't really know what I was doing. It took several years before I felt confident. I would say that my three children were ages 9, 7 and 5 and a half when I could smile and say, "I'm really enjoying this; then I found out I was expecting again. I then lost my zip and my pep, and my ability to feel the new ground I had gained in confidence. Garrett our adorable little fourth child was a joyful surprise. I juggled the difference in the ages of the children and did my best to keep our home orderly and happy.
Even though I had many fears and failures with homeschooling, I had many successes and joys too. We continued to homeschool for another five years.
We moved to our farm and enjoyed the work and fun of farm life together.
We felt a bit isolated so we invited as many neighbors, church friends and cousins over as we could.
I took the kids on picnics regularly. My confidence finally began to grow. This picture was taken in 1996 with good friends who also had children. I often looked at these women as perfect and having it all together. I always felt like I was just pretending to be a mother and floundering all the while, and watching them do it effortlessly.
We moved to Washington and I met a new set of mothers who, again seemed to have it all together. I appreciated all of the mothers who became role models to me. Lynette told me about the 10:00 rule, "Know what you are having for dinner before 10:00 am." As time went by and with the help of God, I realized that all new mothers feel the way I did. Most of them become confident sooner than I did. Maybe it is because I had three children all in a row and could not catch my breath. Both sets of grandparents lived far away, so I could not get ready help from them or advice. God has been so good to me and He has gently guided me into having a sense of confidence as a mother. Daily I take my worries, fears and concerns to Him. I then, do not have to carry this burden. He lifts me up and stays with me. I did the first post on mothering HERE
"Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck." Proverbs 1:8-9