Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Love Is A Choice; Loving the Unlovely Is the Test

The Lord has called us to love everyone. That includes those who don't love us back.
I'm in a situation where I am loving a family member who is loving one moment, and cruel and hurtful the next. I can't explain the details or the names, but I will say that I feel sorry for this person as, she is mentally unstable and cannot help it. I can't possibly love her in my own strength, but need God's power to help me. I am whining right now, as I have been hurt once again. Mental illness gives no explanation. It is hollow, savage, wicked and cutting. It bites. It stings."I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me." Philippians 4:13.With the Lord's help, I've chosen to love the unlovely. I could not do this on my own, for my flesh cries out a mean retort, which I, of course have stifled and not stated aloud. I have had to ask God to forgive me. I'm in a situation where I must choose to love my husband and children first, and do what is best for them because they are my number one responsibility. This other person is second. I must weigh and gauge my energy level and love, but do what is best for each one. I do love this person who continues to hurt me and my husband, but there has to be boundaries. There must be limits. My husband needs my love. My children need my love and attention. If I am spent being a care-giver for this other person, too spent to give to my family, than that is not righteousness. I will let you know how things go. decisions for the best interest of all persons must be made.
I am cowering and feeling a bit defeated at present, but turning to God for the answers. Kathi


Brenna said...

I am so sorry, Kathi. Unfortunately I know only too well what it's like dealing with this. My love and prayers are with you... xoxo

Sharon said...

I'm sorry you are going through some tough times right now Kathi. I will pray for you about this. You are so amazing that you are trying so hard to do the Christian thing. I love you so much!

Love, Sharon

Connie said...

Oooooh, Kathi, I so understand as I'm struggling with a few people at the moment. We're commanded to forgive everyone and let the Lord forgive whom He will forgive. It ain't easy for this chick, sugar, but I'm praying and trying to come to grips with it.

Heather said...

I think you know what you need to do, and I think you are right in the decision you have made to love your husband and children first. I'll be sending you prayers of strength Kathi.

City Girl Country Heart said...

I will be thinking about you Kathi . Im dealing with some family and co workers like this , who make my life very challenging at the moment.
Just know , your not alone and we too are in the same boat with you.
Think positive and keep praying!

Cottage Contessa said...

Oh Kathi, sweetie I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, and I'm praying.......hugs for you.
Amanda (aka Cottage Contessa)

onlymehere said...

You're not whining at all but calling out to your friends and family for help in understanding the situation and to strengthen you. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I will keep you in my prayers that you'll know the course that will give you peace in your heart. I wish I could do more but I know God can help you so I'll lay it at his feet for now. :)

Jocelyn said...

Many prayers out to yo and your family. May Jesus get you through this time and provide you with the strength and peace to do what is best for you and your loved one.

Martha said...

Visiting from SITS and I empathize with your challenges, I carry a similar burden. Boundaries are very healthy and essential.
Blessings to you all in the New Year.

Connie said...

Kathi, if she has dementia or alzheimers than that is a sympton of the disease, honey. I could have told you that if I had know she had it. My mom had it in her later years and she didn't know what she was saying most of the time. So if that is the case then be gentle with her because it truly IS the disease. It's hard on her also. Pray for sympathy and warm feelings towards her and forgiveness. I know this is true from personal experience. It's hard on her and on her family.

Judy @ daily yarns said...

Oh Kathi, I'm sorry you are ALL dealing with this. Connie is right in that this is a symptom of the disease. I worked years ago in an Alzheimer's unit and it's so hard on the family. If you can you might think about putting her in one. A family friend did that with their mother when they couldn't take care of her anymore. It ended up being much better for all around.
I'll be keeping you all in my prayers.

Queenie Jeannie said...

Hugs! I hope there is some resolution for you in this situation!!! Been there, it's tough!

Happy New Year and thank you for visiting me on my special SITS Day!

Toni said...


I'm sorry for your pain, but you are in no way defeated. :) You have God and He has you.

Thanks for this remind on loving others. :)


Shell said...

I always say that I can love anyone, but liking them is a whole different story.

I have someone like this in my life...though after much prayer and consideration, we choose to no longer have contact with him because I am afraid of the emotional damage that he would do to my children.

Stopping in from SITS.

Sue said...

I have dealt with three very close family members who have Bi-Polar illness all my life - so I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am trying to deal with it similarly in my family.

Best wishes to you and your family. Hope you have a "Happy New Year."

Lauren said...

what a beautiful heartfelt post. God bless you.

Beth said...

Such a tough situation that I understand oh-so-well. In my instance, I had to break contact with my mentally ill s-i-l, both for the good of my family and for her. I found that I was enabling her to continue in her self destructive ways. She is properly medicated now and our relationship is healed, albeit strained.

Mental illness, dementia, Alzheimer's...all have very real, very physical and brain-chemical causes. But it certainly doesn't make it easy to deal with. I admire you for your honesty. I will help to hold you up in prayer.

Sam said...

I LOVE FEET PHOTOS. REALLY, ask anyone in my family. LOL.. these are fantastic. Keri


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