I take things pretty hard. Some things effect me deeply; so deeply, my faith is shaken.
The deepest core of my faith stills stands without question, but last week something happened that caused my soul to quiver and quake.
Last Thursday I was a substitute teacher for the Special Ed. class. I was only there because they were required to have a certified teacher in the room. There were six professionally trained aids and me. They did everything and I helped. The children varied in their needs. Some of them looked so "normal' I wondered why they were in there. Some of the children could not function without all their needs met by an assistant. These children touched my heart.
These are not my photos, but are from the Internet. My children were similar to these in the photos. One boy in particular, James, broke my heart. He was extremely smart. The only body part he could move was his left hand, sort of. I would hold up two words, "As" and "His" and ask him to point to one of them. He pointed to the correct one every time. I asked the aids about his history. They said he was a normal little 10 yr. old boy running around here at school and a drunk driver hit him in the cross walk. He is now almost 13. He cannot speak; he drools. He is able only to sit in his chair and stair. He watched all the other children playing on the playground with a sadness in his eyes. I couldn't sleep that night for thinking of James. I began to feel scared and to wonder, why? How could this have happened? I knew in my heart I could trust God for the answers to these questions, and some day all would be revealed for HIS glory.
Our parents taught us about God and took us to church. This is our family walking into church when I was about four years old. I'm the blondie holding both my parents' hands.
Daddy read the Bible to us regularly. My faith grew as I grew. I can remember praying with all my heart and asking God to let me know Him. I remember praying, "I just want to know YOU." In Jeremiah 29:11, God says, "If you seek me with all your heart, I will be found of you." I remember one of the first things I prayed for was dark hair and glasses, so I could look like some friends I went to church with. Well, guess what? I have dark hair and must wear glasses. God has a sense of humor for certain. God has revealed Himself to me in so many ways over the years. My faith has developed. He has proven to me over and over His power, glory and everlasting love. Yes, my faith was shaken last week, but I choose to trust in God. He has never let me down. He will be with me even if one of my children becomes like James. I like this photo of my nephew Grayson, because it reminds me that the Lord places my foot on the SOLID ROCK. He will not let my foot slip. Yes, I may have doubts, but He reveals the TRUTH, that He is who He says He is. This world is a vapor. We are just passing through. It is not our home. Our home is in Heaven for eternity with Jesus Christ our Lord, Savior and God. Satan knows our weaknesses and uses them against us. Mine are FEAR and GUILT. After that day with James, my fear and guilt kicked into gear. I instantly had fear that his accident would happen to one of my children; then guilt that I had four healthy children. I decided to turn to the Lord and thank him for my healthy children, prayed for continued protection over them, and then I prayed that James would be able to speak again.
No matter what happens I can remember what my friend Marnie said. She said that these special children glorify God. She works with them daily. Marnie also said once that, "Being completely dependent on God, is the safest place in the world to be." I know Marnie is right. Even if my child got cancer or had a disabling accident, I can trust that the Lord will never leave me. This world is just a tiny dot on an infinite line compared with eternity with Him, where there are no tears, pain or suffering. Thank you for listening to this long post. I will be visiting you sweet friends tomorrow. Bless you all, and may your hope remain in the Lord our God.