Sunday, January 18, 2009

My Faith Was Shaken...But Only For A Moment; For My Feet Stand On the Solid Rock

I take things pretty hard. Some things effect me deeply; so deeply, my faith is shaken.
The deepest core of my faith stills stands without question, but last week something happened that caused my soul to quiver and quake.
Last Thursday I was a substitute teacher for the Special Ed. class. I was only there because they were required to have a certified teacher in the room. There were six professionally trained aids and me. They did everything and I helped. The children varied in their needs. Some of them looked so "normal' I wondered why they were in there. Some of the children could not function without all their needs met by an assistant. These children touched my heart.
These are not my photos, but are from the Internet. My children were similar to these in the photos. One boy in particular, James, broke my heart. He was extremely smart. The only body part he could move was his left hand, sort of. I would hold up two words, "As" and "His" and ask him to point to one of them. He pointed to the correct one every time. I asked the aids about his history. They said he was a normal little 10 yr. old boy running around here at school and a drunk driver hit him in the cross walk. He is now almost 13. He cannot speak; he drools. He is able only to sit in his chair and stair. He watched all the other children playing on the playground with a sadness in his eyes. I couldn't sleep that night for thinking of James. I began to feel scared and to wonder, why? How could this have happened? I knew in my heart I could trust God for the answers to these questions, and some day all would be revealed for HIS glory.
Our parents taught us about God and took us to church. This is our family walking into church when I was about four years old. I'm the blondie holding both my parents' hands.
Daddy read the Bible to us regularly. My faith grew as I grew. I can remember praying with all my heart and asking God to let me know Him. I remember praying, "I just want to know YOU." In Jeremiah 29:11, God says, "If you seek me with all your heart, I will be found of you." I remember one of the first things I prayed for was dark hair and glasses, so I could look like some friends I went to church with. Well, guess what? I have dark hair and must wear glasses. God has a sense of humor for certain. God has revealed Himself to me in so many ways over the years. My faith has developed. He has proven to me over and over His power, glory and everlasting love. Yes, my faith was shaken last week, but I choose to trust in God. He has never let me down. He will be with me even if one of my children becomes like James. I like this photo of my nephew Grayson, because it reminds me that the Lord places my foot on the SOLID ROCK. He will not let my foot slip. Yes, I may have doubts, but He reveals the TRUTH, that He is who He says He is. This world is a vapor. We are just passing through. It is not our home. Our home is in Heaven for eternity with Jesus Christ our Lord, Savior and God. Satan knows our weaknesses and uses them against us. Mine are FEAR and GUILT. After that day with James, my fear and guilt kicked into gear. I instantly had fear that his accident would happen to one of my children; then guilt that I had four healthy children. I decided to turn to the Lord and thank him for my healthy children, prayed for continued protection over them, and then I prayed that James would be able to speak again.
No matter what happens I can remember what my friend Marnie said. She said that these special children glorify God. She works with them daily. Marnie also said once that, "Being completely dependent on God, is the safest place in the world to be." I know Marnie is right. Even if my child got cancer or had a disabling accident, I can trust that the Lord will never leave me. This world is just a tiny dot on an infinite line compared with eternity with Him, where there are no tears, pain or suffering. Thank you for listening to this long post. I will be visiting you sweet friends tomorrow. Bless you all, and may your hope remain in the Lord our God.


Maryjane - The Beehive Cottage said...

Sweet Kathi, this post has touched my heart. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. The Lord carries us through difficult times, but sometime we forget He is there to lift us up. I needed that reminder! Bless James heart! I will pray for this sweet child. Kathi, yu are good for me!

Have a nice week!


jennifer said...

Bless your heart. This was such a well written post. I can tell that subbing job was hard on you but strengthened your faith in the Lord.

luvmy4sons said...

As a nurse I would often see things that would temporarily make me shudder and my faith would shudder too...God's purposes are always greater than our experiences and sometimes you just have to remember what is true and stand on that. God is good always and just and that He will make all things new and there will be a time where everyone has a new body and a new home where there is no pan, no sorrow, no death... Great post sweet sister. You have a precious heart. Love to you.

grey like snuffie said...

Bless your heart. I've had moments like sweet that we do have Him to rest in...knowing the eternal perspective. Thank You Jesus for helping Kathi through...

Kelly said...

What a great good to know that God is always there for us! Bless your heart Kathi!

Kelly that story of the fridge was not due to experience, lol....thankfully!

Heather said...

sweet post Kathi. It is so hard when you see children like this. My best friend is a special ed teacher working with blind & disabled children like the ones you described. it breaks my heart too, but like you said, God has a special place for these children. They will once again walk and sing when it's their time to be with God.

onlymehere said...

Kathi, I loved this heart-felt post. I believe that we are all sent to this earth to be tried and tested. The beautiful thing our faith teaches is that children such as these didn't need a complete or long test to prove themselves. James' accident has made his calling sure, he will live with Heavenly Father again as one of his chosen sons who did not need to prove his worth. This is what I believe and it helps me through times like this. My brother had special needs and died at age 14 in a scouting accident. My little sister died at age 4 in a tragic accident on the farm. I find great comfort in knowing that due to my brother's mental challenges and my sister's young age that they live with God and did not need to prove themselves. I hope this helps and doesn't sound preachy. Sometimes from our perspective God can look cruel but I always have to remind myself that he is in charge and there is a plan. There is ALWAYS a plan but I just don't see it with my mortal eyes sometimes and I don't understand. God bless you Kathi and your sweet gentle heart. I love reading your posts about God. Even though we are different faiths we believe so many things the same and your faith strengthens mine. Cindy

Sharon said...

This is so sad Kathi. I feel so bad for little James. I want to pray for him and his parents. We do need to remember that this world is just a vapor and life here is so short. We have eternal life that will be perfect with our Father in Heaven. My heart goes out to all of these children. I love what Marnie said about being totally dependent on God is a safe place.

Thanks for this post.

I love you! Sharon

Sharon said...

P.S. I love that picture of you, you look so pretty and it is a neat picture.

Pearl said...

Kathi... You know that I am with you all the way in this post, and that I can totally relate to all you said... As the Mother of a disabled child, I want to Thank You from the depths of my heart 'n soul for the wonderful work you do as a Teacher. One of the many difficult moments in my son's life was when I sent him off to school for the first time. He was only 2 and a half years old, and when the bus pulled away my heart broke. I fell to the ground in a sobbing heap and cried oceans. It's a fearful time when we entrust our children into the hands of Teachers. We were blessed over the years with some really amazing ones, other times we felt doomed with some really horrid ones. Please continue to hold tightly to your faith in our Father and trust me, the great works that you do truly do get emparted upon the children you encounter... even if you do not "see" it right away.

Every parent of a disabled child asks and wonders just like you did... Why?!?? It can be maddening, at best. And, yes, then the Guilt sets in... for myself, that has been one of the hardest rocks to try to get around... and honestly, every now 'n then that big rock falls back onto the road on my journey... I hate it beyond description.

I am just so thankful to be a child of God... so thankful that my boys are God's children, merely on loan to me while on earth... I take comfort in my belief that we will all be in our Father's House one day... comfort in knowing that my son will spend eternity in a perfect angelic body, free of all that torments him on earth...

My prayers go out to James and his family... and to you and your family... Please know that God is using you in amazingly great ways when He places you in Special Education classes... I'm just so proud of you, my friend... God bless...

~hugs, love ♥ 'n prayers~


Gramma 2 Many said...

Kathi, what a beautiful post. It is hard to understand in our own knowledge the reasons for some of the things that happens in our lives. Continued focus on the Lord, as you know, is the only way to continue sometimes.
Glad you got your dark hair and glasses!! I always wanted curls, always had to buy them. Now that I am older, I am developing a wave in my hair. I think He made me wait cause I was so vain about my red hair that He knew no one could live with me if I had the coveted curls also!

A Romantic Porch said...

Kathi, Bless your heart...I so relate to what you say about feeling so deeply. You have truly written a beautiful posting. xo rachel

Elena said...

This is a great post and very true. I know I feel great sadness in the light of people's pain and I cry in my heart, Come Lord Jesus. It makes me want to be with the Lord where he will wipe away all our tears. Thank you for sharing and God bless you!

Terrie's Lil' Piece of Serenity said...

Kathi, God has special reason for these things. Sometimes we aren't suppose to understand. I have a mentally challenged s-i-l. If you open your eyes and watch what people like this have to offer it's amazing.

What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
Psalm 56:3 KJV

oh, be careful what you pray for. You might just get it!!
Hugs, Terrie

Joyfulsister said...

HI Sis,
It was so good to see you today!! I was so blessed reading this post today. You ars so blessed to have had parents who loved the Lord and took you to church as a family. I never had that growing up and as a little girl. I would dress myself while everyone was asleep on Sunday morning and walk by myself to church. I think the Lord was leading me to him now that I look back. I know we may never under this side of heaven of why things are allowed to happen to children or why some are born the way they are, but I know it will all be revealed to us. And like the song says.. We will understand it better by and by.

Hugz Lorie

Beth said...

Kathi, this old world just doesn't make sense, does it? I'm so thankful that our God is in control in ALL things. I see people like James all the time. It is hearbreaking, I know. It can be so discouraging, I know. But as you said, James is completely cared for by God. What better place to be. God bless those who care for James, being Jesus-with-skin-on for him.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing, i really needed to hear this! I too sturggle with fear and guilt which leads to my fears (My kids are healthy...something can happen to them etc...)

Sometimes im even awaken with bad dreams. I know they come from my fears but sometimes they are very, very bad and must come from the evil one. I don't watch any scary movies or anything like that, sometimes I wake up from these terribly horrible dreams shaken and crying in my sleep. Then I remember my God and that he has won over satan and that he knows where he will be going for eternity. Praise the Lord he sent His son to die for mans sins, he didn't do it for the fallen angels but for us- wow!!!

Sometimes I fear bad things happening, like I won't or couldn't get through them? Do you ever have that fear? I know I must be reminded of the one who indeed I should fear most of all and praise Him for he has saved me and im one of his preciouse children. The bad that may come due to sin and satans works to discourage God's work and people god turns into the beautiful good and through it all he does not allow anything to happen to his preciouse people unless it is for our eternal good and the good of His kingdom. i think of job often. He endured so much but god wouldn't let satan inflict anything that he determined to allow in his sovereighnty and goodness.

I know when im not in his word as I should be i easily stumble in fear. Just last night i awoke at 2am wanting to check on my kids in fear that someone may have taken them. I want to be rid of this fear, it's not of God and doesn't glorify Him.

God is love and just as a child may not understand why they need to take such a icky tasting medicine to do them good, or are in need of an operation that will save them, though in may cause real pain and discomfort for a time it will bring new healing and health back to them. So it is the affliction of His people except that the healing is the work of God in our hearts as we grow in in word. We as parents don't love as perfectly as God does us- wow that just blows my mind!

God bless and god bless you for sharing!

Kat @ said...

Coming from SITS... and I'm sooo blessed and glad I did!! I, too, have 4 children... and although worry unnecessarily, I find myself "catching myself", especially as I wake in the morning, or lay quietly at night. I try to hand all of my worries over to the Lord. I still can not get over that I have 4 healthy children, and often fear my paradise can't last forever.

Would love to follow you! Please feel free to stop my if you get some time this week!


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